Towards the end of 2017, I was dealing with plenty of mixed emotions. There was a lingering depression I was trying to get over. Depression that caused me to gain weight and my face to have horrible acne. I also lost a sense of self-confidence. I had anger and resentment from the actions others took. I was confused about the person I was growing into and understanding my values.
I was making decisions that were not in my character and reached the point where I did not recognize myself.
This led me to make one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make–to focus only on myself. This cost me relationships and friendships that I had to let go of in order to focus on me. I stayed off of social media for the entire year of 2018 and kept my social outings to a bare minimum. I did not look to make new relationships nor seek validation from others.
It was difficult at first because I was so used to the habit of checking my phone and seeing what everyone else was up to. I almost felt like I was missing something. But by not constantly checking my phone, it seemed as if a veil had lifted.
It was more noticeable to me how much people were glued to their phones. I felt more present in each moment and noticed more about my environment. There was nothing to distract me from my thoughts. Nothing to keep me from addressing my emotions or feelings.
Through the months I was reading a great deal of books on self-improvement, psychology, emotions, and spirituality.
I learned a great deal about what I considered important and what my values are. Noticed my weird quirks and differentiated what aspects I truly considered me versus me trying to emulate important figures in my life or what social media and media as a whole said I should be. I finally got to the point where I let go of things in my past I held on to.
By not having social media and someone else to focus on, I had to focus and look at myself.
I can now say I am at a point where I am the strongest emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically than I have ever been. It hurt to cut myself off from everything but I had to do it to reach where I am now. I don’t regret my decision and suggest that if anyone feels the way I did, they should do the same.