Relationships

When Do I “Give It Up”?

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As we draw ever closer to that fated holiday of lovers, some may be trying to decide whether this is the right time to finally lose their virginity. Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year right? What would be a better time? If you are planning to lose your virginity simply because of a holiday then I would say it is DEFINITELY not the right time.

So when should you give it up?

There are several things to look for in order to know whether it is indeed the right time to give it up.

  • Do you have a solid idea of where you stand with this person? Are you sure that they care about your wants and needs? Confident that they are on the same page as you when it comes to what kind of relationship you are in? If you are unsure of how much the person cares about you and what they care for you as I would say it is not the right time.

 

  • Do you feel pressured to lose it? Whether the pressure comes from media, friends, family members or your actual partner, do you feel pressured? It doesn’t matter if your partner waited to have sex with you for two years, four years, or six years. You don’t have to feel pressured because they waited so long. If they still care for you like they did at the beginning then they should still be able to wait until you are ready. If you feel pressured then it is not the right time.

 

  • Are you comfortable with your partner? Do you feel confident in your body and whatever you do around this person? Do you feel like you can be yourself without judgment or criticism? If you feel uncomfortable or judged by this person then I would say it is not the right time to lose your virginity.

 

  • Are you trying to prove the extent of your feelings to your partner? Are you made to feel like you do not love the person if you do not have sex with them? Or that you don’t care about them if you do not have sex with them? Or do they claim they cannot feel like they are loved without sex? Then it is NOT the right time. If someone needs sex to feel like you care then that is their problem and not yours. You should never have sex, whether it is your virginity or not, simply to prove your feelings for someone.

 

  • Is it the right location to have sex? Are you planning on losing your virginity behind the school bleachers? In the back of a car or truck? In an abandoned classroom? A seemingly abandoned alley? Your parents’ bed? An inflatable mattress? A treehouse? A bathroom? If you cannot look back fondly on the place you plan to lose your virginity, chances are it is not the right time.

So WHEN should you give it up?

When you are at a place of understanding and comfort with your partner where you both understand what type of relationship you are in and the extent of your feelings for one another. You have no doubts as to the character of your chosen partner and they respect whatever you feel comfortable with. You do not feel pressured or like you have anything to prove. You aren’t worried about being perfect or judged. You aren’t worried about being caught or have doubts about the place you plan to do the deed.

You won’t have to question it when it is the right time. You simply know. If you still have questions, wait until the right person and moment comes where no question remains. Expressing your feelings physically is a beautiful thing that you do not have to rush into or ‘just get over with.’ You lose your virginity when you are sure it is what YOU want to do AND your partner is on the same page.

 

©JustTalkingShep 2019

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