Advice, Relationships

He Isn’t A Project

For a vast majority of women, we tend to view the men in our lives like projects. On the one hand it is understandable because of our innate creative capacity. I mean, we have the power to create and bring forth life! However, when it comes to the men we are dating we need to move away from the idea that we have to ‘work’ on them.

When we think like this, we tend to invest way more into them than we should. Rather than continue to build and advance ourselves, we sacrifice for his benefit. We help him get into that school or maintain the home so he can go out and thrive. Meanwhile we have this sense of righteousness because we are helping build him up. Understand that there is a difference between standing next to someone as a supportive partner and sacrificing only for their benefit.

When you take on this self-sacrificing role you tend to have built up resentment and unhealthy expectations of him. You think, I didn’t go to school so he could, I didn’t pursue that exotic job because he needed me. You end up embittered because you feel like you gave up so much with little in return because he isn’t making as big of sacrifices as you. The key here is that, in most cases he didn’t ask you to do it. You took it upon yourself.

Furthermore, when you look at a man like this you become less inclined to leave a less than ideal relationship. Since you invested so much into building him up into greatness, you don’t want to leave your investment behind. What’s more, you end up thinking “I’ll be damned if another woman gets to reap on what I built.”

This was the premise behind Tyler Perry’s Acrimony. She spent years solely doing everything that benefited her man’s dream. He was her project and when she finally let him go and he suddenly reached the level she invested towards she felt enraged that another woman got what she felt was due to her.

A man isn’t a project. It isn’t your job to make a man be great by forgetting yourself in the process. Never forget to make yourself a priority. Don’t build someone up at your expense. Instead be supportive of your partner but still be true to your dreams and passions as well. A man should never feel like a project to you but an equal partner. Someone who supports you in your pursuits as much as you do theirs.

©JustTalkingShep 2019

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