In relationships, we often consider it to be romantic when someone considers you their everything. We think, I mean so much to them, I feel important. Which can feel great initially but become taxing and draining as time goes on.
When you are everything to someone, you have so many roles to play. Some of which come in any healthy relationship like a lover, supporter, confidante and at times best friend. However, when you are your partner’s only best friend or friend at all or have to take on the role of therapist, maid, chef, sole caretaker for the kids, among others, it becomes unhealthy and too much.
No one should have to face the pressures of taking on so many roles. Consider it as you being a worker in an office that not only has to do their regular work duties but has to ensure the office remains clean, answer all the phones and customers coming in, as well as cook lunch for everyone in the department. Wouldn’t you run out of an interview if they brought up all those roles for you to play while only getting paid for one title?
You set unrealistic expectations and a bar that no one could meet without sacrificing their own well being and needs to meet all you want. And even then, some roles you are demanding be filled would suffer in quality while trying to meet other roles. To continue my earlier example, you can’t cook a five-star quality meal while having to clean the office, answer phones, customers, and fulfill your other duties.
It’s not healthy to give your whole self away to appease someone else. You end up with nothing left to maintain and keep your own sanity and peace. Even when it comes to children, although we try to be nearly everything for them in order to help them grow and prosper we still outsource roles to others. Allow them to go to the playground to make friends to play with. Let them go to school to learn from teachers. We can’t be everything for them either.
If someone is demanding that you be their everything or say that you are their everything, correct them. It’s not healthy for you to expect everything you need from me or for me to expect that from you. Or while I appreciate you consider me to be a major force in your life, I can’t be the only one.
Now that doesn’t give them a pass to allow someone else to occupy those duties and roles that should be confined to a relationship! Make sure you make that abundantly clear. Or if monogamy isn’t your thing then do what keeps you from stress and happy.
But if you are monogamous, recognize that although your partner may be going through a hard time or busy at work, it doesn’t give you the right to outsource their role. Don’t look for someone else to get close to emotionally, become your lover, or express things that are relegated to the realm of your relationship. It’s never okay or justified. Communicate. Communicate. COMMUNICATE.
At the end of the day, I don’t want to be your everything because then I have nothing left for myself.